MonkeyNaut's Links & News Stuff
These are things for your to look at.
Some are funny. Some are not. 
I'm not too picky. I am only a monkey.
There was this video once. Where this guy was playing baseball with this little kid, then the little kid hit the baseball and the ball made a line straight at the guys bits and pieces and the guy fell on the ground in pain while the little kid looked at the camera and you know he was thinking "Ooops, did I do that?" Also there was this one video where this dog is chasing this bug around. and he keeps chasing and chasing and chasing it and then he forgets about the bug and starts chasing his own tail and it was really funny because on the video Bob Saget was making this voice and it was supposed to be what the dog was thinking and he was like "Ooops. I'm a little dog and I'm chasing my tail. There it goes. There it goes. Almost got it. No! Ooops, I'm a little dog chasing my tail..."  Whew. That was pretty funny. I still remember that. They don't make tv like that anymore. 

I wonder what Bob Saget is doing now.
this is my journal
here's what other people have written.
Gay Bar Song girl I wanna take you to the Gay Bar!  This song rocks! Weeeee! Gonads and Strife. Gonads and Strife. Gonads and strife. Gonads in the lighting!
Ho Slap Slap dat Ho!  See if you can slap dat ho at super pimp speed. This is for people who liked that scene in Pretty Woman, where Costanza goes Ike Turner on Julia Roberts. Different Strokes, I guess.
Destiny's Child Cats Independent Woman. I never liked this song before. Cool cats.
Star Wars Kid The Star Wars Kid, a 15-year-old from Quebec, was goofing off at a school video studio & recorded himself fighting a mock battle with a golf ball retriever, twirling his mock lightsaber ever faster while making his own accompanying sound effects. Some kids found the tape, and uploaded it to KaZaA.  Within two weeks, someone had added full Star Wars special effects and noises to the tape.  If there is any justice in this world the Star Wars kid will be rich. This is more entertaining than anything Lucas has done in the last 15 years.
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George Takei's Webcam If you're dying for that small jolt of the Tak to get you through the morning this is it. Actually the Uhura pics are the real draw.
Sign MonkeyNaut's Guest Book you don't have to if you don't want to. But if you don't I fling my feces at you.
View MonkeyNaut's Guestbook    here are people who signed it.  In case you're into peer pressure.
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Oct 15th, 2004
Old Girls Gone Wild!!

Somebody Somewhere Finds This Sexy


Work From Home. Turn Pee in $$$

July 26th, 2004
Pigeon Shot for Pecking Painting... Other Pigeons Protest by Pooing on Statues

It's not a Pearl Necklace but it'll Do

Attacker Takes No Sh!t from BK Customer

When Stink Bombs Go Bad

July 9th , 2004
And You Thought Only Cubans Came to Florida This Way

Some People Claim That There's a Woman to Blame

Another Cat Story

Sticks and Stones

Live Nude Farm Girls

June 28th, 2004
The Opera Ain't Over Until the Fat Lady Massacres a Bunch of Prostitutes on Stage

Woman Scared Sh!tless After Toilet Breaks

Dropout More Successful Than Kids Who Stayed in School

Netherlands Going to Pot

"No baby, we're safe. I've had my phone in my pocket all day..."

June 21st, 2004
Send Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your People Hungry for T & A

When I Get That Feeling, I Need Sexual Healing

Man Slips Chick the Tongue... Loses It

Ladies Violate Mens Right to Drink Cheap

Because AIDS and Cancer are passe... Scientists Cure Burping Sheep

June 1st, 2004
I Feel Like Chicken Tonight- Man Hangs Self, After Failing to Kill Wife.  Chicken Gets It, Too.

Louisiana Low Rise Crackdown Gets Spanked Down

4 feet+7 inches+85 pounds+9 years = 50,000 Volts. 

Rat Urine Increases Breast Size!!!

May 27, 2004
It’s Gotta Be the Car

University Students Can’t Get It Up for Porn

But Can They Walk and Chew Gum?

City Officials: Vegas is a Sh!tty Town.

May 20th, 2004
A Bird in the Hand is Worth...Um, 266 Embalmed Parrots

Inventor Talks Sh!t

Sometimes Size Does Matter

Senate Sex Blog Brouhaha

May 16th, 2004
Playboy and Home Depot Join to Help Men with Wood

Woman Upset After Paying $2 for Porn Tape

There’s an Illegal Alien Story in Here Somewhere…

Remember When Phone Sex was Legal?

May 5th, 2004
Monkey Feces Backs Up the Highway

For Some Reason, Prison For Girls Seems So Much Sexier on Cinemax

The Grossly Inappropriate Viagra Story of the Week

Love Make Men Act Like Women!

May 3rd, 2004
Okay, Maybe it is the Car

Guns to Shoot People, People Shoot Themselves

Government  Programs Go to Pot

Save the Swedish Lake Monster

April 29th, 2004
Big Assed Thongs Bring in the Bucks

What's a Little Sexual Harrassment Between Friends?

As Long as We're on the Subject of Penises.

Woman Gets Off on Manslaughter.  Jury Finds Boyfriend Blown Away.

Tittie Tax Tiff: Mammary Money Milked For Pervert Programs

April 26th, 2004
Bigger! Stronger! Better!  The New Gonorrhea!

Who's Your Mommy?: The Heartwarming Stripper Story of the Week

Remember When Skin Pistol Meant Something Altogether Different?

Portland Police Beat the Crap Out of Old Lady!  71 Year Old Woman Settles with City After Being Tazed, Pepper Sprayed and Losing Her Prosthetic Eye in Alteration

April 22nd, 2004
Teen and Man with Breasts Climb a Big Tree... There's a Joke About Wood in Here Somewhere

Rioters in Rio Forced to Eat Pussy!

Louisiana to Ban Ass Cracks

April 19th, 2004

Straight Bashing!  Heterophobia Runs Rampant in Key West as Oppressive Gays Turn Away Opposite Sex Married Couples!

The Ike Turner Honorable Mention Award of the Day.  Vince Neil in Ho Slap Scandal

You Thought the British Weren't a Sexy Lot.

The "That's Just Wrong!" Item of the Day... 92 yr old Woman Strip Searched at Airport

April 5th, 2004
Cops Really Do Eat A Lot of Donuts....

and this is the result of it!

When Stalking Stops Being a Harmless Pastime

F*@king Up the British Charts

Scientists Give Rats Erections!

It's a MAN, man! (Scenes from a Thai Transvestite Pageant)

April 8th, 2004
"Oh yeah? Well you people killed the  Easter Bunny!"

From the Files of Wile E. Coyote: The Dynamite/Sausage Gag

Another Cross-Dressing Republican Candidate Story

When "You Might Be a Redneck" Jokes Go Bad

April 6th, 2004
Give Her a Diamond and She'll Swallow

Ain't Love a Stab in the Head 

You Can Dress 'Em Up but You Can't Punch 'Em Out

Really?! Somebody Offered $1 Billion Cash for Abba?

April2nd, 2004
Vibrating Condom Creates Big Buzz at Fair

Cambodian Banana Torture

Behind Every “Great Man” There’s a Kid Who’s Bored as Hell…

March 31st, 2004
Judge Rules: My Cock Can’t Beat Your Cock

In Cambodia, food is so scarce, Spirits are forced to Eat Cock.

Scientists Reveal:  Rats Are NOT Just Big Mice

Computer Sex?  Fat German Hamster Gets Stuck

March 28th, 2004
Yodellers Feel Recession in their Lederhosen

Goat Man Gets Probed.

Blame it on Instinct! Male Gorilla Dumps Older Mate for Two Younger Sexually Active Gorillas

March 22nd, 2004

Live by the Snake… Die by the Snake

This is Exactly Why Hot  Swedish Chicks are in Fear of Coming on to Me!


Stir Up Some Cannible Cause Soup is Good Food.

Hospital Promotes Getting S#!tfaced at Party

March18th, 2004
Nuckin' Futs Story of the Week: The White House Manipulates the Media-
Alberto Garcia a Fraud!

Springtime for Hitler and Germany!

Family Torn Apart by Jesus

Coming Soon: The Miss Terrorism Pageant

March 16th, 2004
Sure They Can Resurrect a Lobster BUT Can They Cure Crabs?

Super Wacky Chinese Panda Porn

He Can Go for Days.  Literally.  No Joke.

California City Council Attempts to Ban Water

Man Uses Puppets to Preach Against Porn:  Inadvertently Fosters  Furries Fetishes

March 10th, 2004
Yet Another Reason Mason Membership is in Decline

The Isn’t It Ironic Award of the Week: Abstinence Pledgers Get More STD’s

Sex on Wheels

She Even Looks Like a Million Bucks

March 8th, 2004
It’ll cost you an arm and a leg.

Head like a Hole

Since when is 50 Bare Breasts a Failure?

Smoked Chicken Pot Pie…

When Old People Attack…

Feb, 27th 2004
“Vice” Principal Story

Man Keeps Woman Up with All Night Sex. She Sues.

Cubs Break Bartman’s Balls (well one ball actually)

Kansas City to Ban Pee Pee

Why Hungarian Politics Beats the Hell Out of American Politics.

Feb 19th, 2004
Fickle Brits Duped by Old Peoples Music

More Crazy German Fetish Stuff

Man Driven to Porn

Crappy Burglar Story

Evil Dead Dog Comes Back to Destroy Humanity! (or something like that)

Feb 18th, 2004

Rats! It’s What’s for Dinner

Half Off for Oral Sex Case

Disney Tattoo Guy Upset over Possible Takeover
     .(Yes, Ladies! He’s single.)

PRESIDENT BUSH HATES GAYS! (not necessarily in those specific words)

Another Bad Stinky Finger Story

Feb 12th, 2004
Italian Police Hunt for Big Breasted Woman

Twelve  Foot Rat Invades Martha's Vineyard.

Nothing Says "I Love You" like a Hissing Cockroach. (ha ha ha "Cockroach".  Whew.)

Barbie and Ken Split.  Seriously, this warranted a Press Release.

Feb 11th, 2004
Ha ha ha ha! A Gag Order! Ha ha ha. (whew)

Another Reason for Morbidly Obese to Eat Chocolate!

Short Story

Feb 9th, 2004

No, really! Now, we’re more uptight than the British.  Thanks a lot.

Chosen People Choose Beauty Queen.  Next the Israeli/Palestinian Swimsuit Showdown!

I Dream of Hitler.

Crappy Job of the Week.

Um, Okay. As a Monkey I Find This Inappropriate.


an 13th, 2004
Stir up some Condoms… because soup is good food.

84 Year Old Begins Primary School. Enjoys Naptime

Freeing Iraqi’s from the Tyranny of Fake Pepsi.

Researchers Cut the Cheese.

Filthy Mommy: The Girls of Cell Block C.

Dirty Mommy: A New Story

Jan 6th, 2004
Pimps Get Ho Slapped

The MonkeyNaut Award Winner for Worst Place to try and get some:   Singapore!      No Oral.    No Booze. 

The Big Boar Break In of 2004

For God’s Sake! Take off you clothes!

There’s an I.P. Freely joke in here somewhere.

Runover by Reindeer… The True Story.

And the Son of God was born to a “Vegan” Girl?

Condoms…Because Filling Stockings Has Been Done to Death.

Man Gives Wife a Crappy Christmas Gift

Dec 22nd, 2003
If Fox News Reports It...Michael Jackson Chats with Unidentified Dwarf!

Proof Cats are Evil!  Elderly Woman Nearly Eaten Alive by House Pets

When 275 Pound Prostitutes Attack!

Now Appearing on the Main Stage!  Gentlemen Let's Give It Up For.... Your Lord and Savior

Dec 15th, 2003
Cloning- Because the World Demands Artificial New Jersey-ites.

The Sinead O’Connor Been There Done That Award Winner:  Lauryn Hill Attacks The Vatican…

The No Offense We Had to Do it Headline of the Week:  “Strom got Jungle Fever…”

Yea! Good Turd! (Clap Clap Clap)

Dec 10th, 2003
Because Pretending to Pull a Quarter Out of Someone’s Ear is passe… Smack on the Head. 

Because Swinging is passe … Dad to Sues to Teach Daughter About Polygamy.

Hey Ya!  Because, Civil Rights is passe … Rosa Parks sues OutKast. 

Yellow Legal Pad.  Eww. Lawyer Pee! Lawyer Pee!

Escaped Inmates Get a Leg Up

Evil Teacher Ruins Christmas!

Dogs Depressed Over the Holidays.

Dec 7th, 2003

Transvestite Potter Wins Turner Prize.  No, really.  It’s Not That Kind of Joke.

Midget Riots Rock Sierra Leone.  Aki and Paw Paw No Show.

Dec 5th, 2003
For the Violent Drunk in All of Us,  HITLER: The Wine

When Drive Throughs Go Bad.  Lady Runs Over McDonalds Manager in First Reported Case of Mayo-Rage

“Gays! Gays! Go Away! Don’t Come Back Another Day!”  Mayor Faces Charges Over Big Gay Ban.  (No, He’s not a Republican BUT Yes, He is in The Deep South)

Rat Olympics!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving.  German Woman Presses Charges Against Neighbor Over Special Toy.
Dec 3rd, 2003
FINALLY A MONKEY HOSPITAL!  Only it’s in Thailand… and it’s not part of my HMO.

Denver Orangutans Smell Good

Beware of Chinese Cat/Dog Dolls. 

Don’t Ask Don’t Show and Tell – Louisiana 7 year old Punished for Having Gay Mom

When Redneck Homages Go Awry. Really, No Offense.

DEA?  T&A?  The Official Drug War Thong.

Nov 30th, 2003
We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again… Further proof that Wal-Mart Kills.

Jesus Unwelcome in Australia.

Policeman goes down on oral sex rap.

A kiss is just a kiss… And you thought they had it bad in Singapore.

From The Czech Republic: “Real Men Tell Boob Jokes.”

There was this one time I was driving down Sunset and there was this really hot chick… who wasn’t. Still I wouldn’t have married her.  GERMAN GUY AND THAI MANWIFE LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER. 

Cross Dressing Teen Gay Gang Busted for Posing as Police Prostitutes… No, really. It’s true.

Nov 24th, 2003
Goodnight, my white brother.

This is what they call Kharma.

Is this really any worse?  Vietnamese Kid is Dog Meat.

At Least It’s Not a Vietnamese Kid

Nov 23rd, 2003
Man gets $2,999,999.99 for Penis Gone Bad

German Cannibal seeks to deter others from Eating People,

Man Dies Covering Michael Jackson

Nov 17th, 2003
Because it's Monday, we're obligated to give you  ANOTHER ARTICLE ABOUT SOME WOMAN WHO LIKES TO BE NAKED

60 Years after brutally killing people to gain world domination, Germany Hires People to Gain Popularity.  The Ghost of Hitler Weeps in Anger.

Mexican Panda Chick Plans Trip to Tokyo for Animal Sex Hook Up.

Just when you thought it was safe to call a hanging corpse art....

World in Stunned Disbelief as the French Find Something Else They Don't Like.

Nov 13th,2003
Burger King  apologizes to "Dairy Queen" about the breast milk thing.

Tanzanian Man's Friend in Deep S#!t Over Missing Bike

Fijian Cannibals Apologize for Eating Methodist Minister and Ask for Running Water and Electricity.

Woman Sues Over Condom Soup

Taiwanese Gigolo School Busted. 

Footloose Part Deux: Only 40 years after allowing students to see movies... Wheaton College says it's Okay to Dance.

Nov 6th, 2003
Because “Dog Bites Man” has been done to death.  The NRA has a new Best Friend.

Cambodian Karaoke Crooner Comes Close to Castration. 

I see Paris. I see France.  I see Strippers underpants.

I see Paris. I see ….Whoa!

Crap Floats.  Evil bows to Saddam while Jesus Rocks the Night Away

Goodbye Crack Whores. Hello Playstation Pimps.  Yet another thing is addictive.

Feminist Activist Christina Aguilera Discovers Drrrty Double Standards in Western Society.

Nov 4th, 2003
The CandyMan can… The CandyMan can…

Monkey Hoodlums Hound Hanuman’s Hood. 

Another Old Japanese Woman.

In Amsterdam you can even get drugs in Elementary School…

Man Kisses Dead Fish and Somehow No One is Disturbed by it.

EXTRA! EXTRA! Getting Sucked Relieves Arthritis!!!!

Oct 31st, 2003
Gang Bang!  Catholic School Girls Pounce Penis Pushing Pervert. It ain't pretty.

Congratulations! It's a Boy!

German Men Get Men Half Off with Local Ho's. 

Hot for Teacher. Yes, this really does happen... IN BUCHAREST!

Oct 29th, 2003
This Just In: Older Women Love Monkeys!

German corpse brings traffic to a dead halt. 

69 Year old Girl Knocked Up By Dead Man

Jump Her Cables- Shocking New Orgasm Machine Unleashed on the Ladies

No, really! There are Indian Rock Stars and THEY get into trouble too.

Move over Kathie Lee, Puff Daddy/P Diddy is The Man!

Oct 28th, 2003
The Art of Oral Sex

"Eat me!"  Female Spiders cannibalize weird looking Guy Spiders in Hook ups gone awry.

Oct 27th, 2003
450 Women Pose Nude for Photographer.  He is now a God.

Beauty Queen claims “Afghan Women are Hot Underneath all those Layers.”

Scientists Find Brain Tumor too late to save Dead Dinosaur.

GeoMagnetic Storm Hits Earth! Fails to create cool new superheroes.

Japanese Shoe thief is just not right.

Oct 23rd,2003
Dallas area fish get hooked on Prozac.

Drug addicts see Virgin Mary in a tree stump.

GM whacks name off car.  Canadians have a hand in yanking La Crosse.

Affirmative Action Goes Awry! “Mr. Africa” is a white guy!

Hot Chicks Horny over little blue pill.  Move over Spanish Fly.  Viagra for women is coming!

Oct 22nd 2003
It’s not easy being sheep.  

Heavy Drinking, Source of Super Strength!  Liza kicks ass.  Ambiguously gay husband sues.

“Fast Food Defies Evolution!” Scientists say. Darwin rolls over in grave

Oct 20th, 2003

French Judge is a real jerk!

Woman forgives man who not only  called her "B!%c#" but tried to kill her.

Man goes nuts on booze and hookers. Loses genitals.

Old man, middle aged woman marry at employer Wal-Mart. Apparently, they couldn't get  a day off.

Oct 14th, 2003
Logger ranks as Number One most dangerous job.   Crack Whore fails to make the Top Ten, again. 

Oct 10th, 2003
Big Haired Menace destroys Las Vegas.

Oct 9th, 2003
Sweden struggles to cope with unprovoked “Buttered Shoe” attack.

Religious right peeved. 
Yelling at nude chicks, not a Constitutional right.

Sept 31st, 2003
As if fashions by Kathy Lee weren't bad enough... Of all the reasons I have for avoiding Wal-Mart, I hadn’t thought of this one.

And finally

Sept 29th, 2003
Or not, The Trouser Snake rears it's venomous head. No, really! All this time I thought it was a euphemism.  Boy, do I feel stupid.
in case you NEED someone to tell you what to do with your life.
Copyright © 2003 MonkeyNaut All Rights Reserved